1. Permissive: Say “yes” (then prepare to serve cookies for lunch and cake for dinner).
2. Authoritative: Say “no” directly and firmly (then prepare to stand your ground as there will likely be a protest).
3. Exhausted: Scream “never” (because it’s only 7:15 a.m. and you’re already exhausted).
4. Denial: Pretend none of it is happening and hide in the bathroom for a while. (It is the morning after all; you could conceivably be getting ready.)
5. Connected: Empathize (e.g., “I hear you—yum!”); be playful (e.g., “Why not make it a sundae?”); and then guide your child toward another option (e.g., “How about we save that for the weekend and we eat it together?”)
Although many of us probably use a mix of the styles above, most may lean in one direction or another. I try to practice as well as advocate for connected parenting, aligned with a conscious, positive and peaceful approach. Yet this approach is not for the faint of heart.
Connected parenting is really just what it sounds like—in every situation, you try to empathically connect with your children and see their perspective before guiding them.
While I firmly believe connected parenting reaps meaningful relationships for both parents and children, I also feel that a vital piece of the discourse is missing. We fail to be open about the amount of energy this parenting style requires.
In fact, of all the parenting examples above, connected parenting requires the most effort in many respects.